Home > Illuminae (The Illuminae Files #1)(11)

Illuminae (The Illuminae Files #1)(11)
Amie Kaufman, Jay Kristoff

I’m still on the Hypatia, I’m in intel training. Since I heard about the Copernicus, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you—this is not me retracting my promise to kick you into the soprano range if you ever come near me again, but I had to check you’re okay. So, let me know if you’re okay, then we can go back to being … whatever we are now.

Kady

Mason, E, LT 2nd: well played, McNulty. well played, indeed

McNulty, J, Sgt: wut

Mason, E, LT 2nd: You have just overstepped the line, chum. I put you on notice

McNulty, J, Sgt: this my wtf face—-> ?_?

Mason, E, LT 2nd: What I want to know is how you jacked her User ID. You pull in Dorian from commtechs to help? What did you do to convince him to help? Blowjob?

McNulty, J, Sgt: r u dusted or sumthing

Mason, E, LT 2nd: I thought the chipheads would have their hands full trying to figure out what made AIDAN go all HAL on us, instead, they’re piggybacking secure IDs and helping you fuck with my head. I didn’t think your blow jobs were that good

McNulty, J, Sgt: chum wtf u talkin bout

Mason, E, LT 2nd: I take this as a declaration of war. Presuming they don’t line me up against a bulkhead and shoot me after my court martial tomorrow, I will be making sweet, sweet love to your sister by week’s end. This I do solemnly vow

McNulty, J, Sgt: ezra don’t joke about my sister I fucking warned u

Mason, E, LT 2nd: sweet

McNulty, J, Sgt: chum …

Mason, E, LT 2nd: sweet

McNulty, J, Sgt: mason …

Mason, E, LT 2nd: lurrrrrrve

McNulty, J, Sgt: DON’T JOKE ABOUT MY FUCKING SISTERCOCKSUCKER I WILL RIP OFF UR FUCKING SQUIB AND JAM IT UP YOUR FUCKING ASS

Mason, E, LT 2nd: I LIKED THIS GIRL. I TOLD U THAT. I MAY NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO WALKSTRAIGHT AT THE TIME BUT YOU SAID IT WAS IN THE VAULT

McNulty, J, Sgt: WUT GIRL U CRAYZ FUCK

Mason, E, LT 2nd: KADY GRANT

McNulty, J, Sgt: … who?

Mason, E, LT 2nd: oh you don’t know, fuck you chum, this is some pistols at dawn shit right here

McNulty, J, Sgt: mason I have NO FUCKING IDEA wut u r talking bout rite now

Mason, E, LT 2nd: so you didn’t send this message

McNulty, J, Sgt: WUT MESSAGE

Mason, E, LT 2nd: I send u

Mason, E, LT 2nd: got?

McNulty, J, Sgt: roger that

Mason, E, LT 2nd: and?

McNulty, J, Sgt: READING FUCK

Mason, E, LT 2nd: *taps fingers*

Mason, E, LT 2nd: Fuck me how long it take you to read you illiterate fuck

Mason, E, LT 2nd: I heard your sister likes it zero gee true/false?

McNulty, J, Sgt: chum this wasn’t me

Mason, E, LT 2nd: i smell lies

McNulty, J, Sgt: srsly

Mason, E, LT 2nd: eat a dick

McNulty, J, Sgt: MASON

Mason, E, LT 2nd: Yummy scrummy dick

McNulty, J, Sgt: LOOK AT THIS WRITING I DO NOT WRITE LIKE THIS SHE GOT ALL PUNCTUATIONS AND THINGS

Mason, E, LT 2nd: if you are lying, all jokes aside, i will totally gun for your sister

Mason, E, LT 2nd: I swear to god I will make her my bride

Mason, E, LT 2nd: … although now you mention it, your punctuation is fucking ungodly. …

McNulty, J, Sgt: “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you”

McNulty, J, Sgt: CHum

McNulty, J, Sgt: You are IN

Mason, E, LT 2nd: …

McNulty, J, Sgt: PICKING CURTAINS

McNulty, J, Sgt: MEETING PARENTS

McNulty, J, Sgt: MAKING PUPPIES

McNulty, J, Sgt: wait didn’t u say this fem rolled u up and smoked u

Mason, E, LT 2nd: ripped my heart out my chest

Mason, E, LT 2nd: Showed it to me, still beating

Mason, E, LT 2nd: then slam-dunked it off the ice shelf

McNulty, J, Sgt: she get good air?

Mason, E, LT 2nd: fuck you chum

McNulty, J, Sgt: cheer up, bitch. She wouldn’t have written if her loins did not ache for thee

Mason, E, LT 2nd: can u read? She threatening to kick me in the sopranos. She says it’s over.

McNulty, J, Sgt: “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you”

McNulty, J, Sgt: “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you”

McNulty, J, Sgt: “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you”

Mason, E, LT 2nd: ALRIGHT SHUT UP FUCKER

McNulty, J, Sgt: read between the lines fool

Mason, E, LT 2nd: zzzz, so what do I say to her?

McNulty, J, Sgt: nfi. probably start by apologizing for wutever u did

Mason, E, LT 2nd: what makes you think it was my fault?

McNulty, J, Sgt: because it’s ALWAYS the chum’s fault, chum

McNulty, J, Sgt: u got extra-curricular didn’t u?

Mason, E, LT 2nd: fuck no. I’d have no sopranos to kick if i’d done dirty

McNulty, J, Sgt: come on, u can tell uncle Jimmy

Mason, E, LT 2nd: shut up i like this fem

McNulty, J, Sgt: AND SHE OBVS STILL LIKES U OR SHE WOULDN’T BE WRITING GODDAMN U ARE A MOPEY BITCH

Mason, E, LT 2nd: …

McNulty, J, Sgt: so whatever u did, say u’re sorry. on your knees.

McNulty, J, Sgt: <insert quip about u being good at that here>

Mason, E, LT 2nd: …

McNulty, J, Sgt: and if that works

McNulty, J, Sgt: u must name ur first kid james in my honor

Mason, E, LT 2nd: >_>

McNulty, J, Sgt: if it’s a daughter u name it jamette

Mason, E, LT 2nd: 0_o

McNulty, J, Sgt: and then it’s happy ever after for Ezra Mason

Mason, E, LT 2nd: :D

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